After Vienna, we stopped briefly in Graz, Austria, then headed straight to Slovenia to begin our Post-Vienna-Council vacation.
Although we only stayed a night in Graz we thought it fitting to give it its own post not because there are a record six gelato stands within a 1.5 block linear path, nor because there is a perfectly preserved 17th Century armory in the historic center, but because this is a city that perfectly embodies at least three elements of serious culture shock.
The Armory:
The Graz Armory Museum is located in the historic center of the town next door to the Tourist Information Office. There are multiple floors filled with rows and rows of chest plates, spears, daggers, cannons, helmets, guns, powder horns, etc--everything you'd need to impress your neighbors in 1645. In fact, there are so many copies of so many weapons and armor that it looks very much like someone locked the door in 1645, then reopened it in 2012. It claims to be the largest historical armory in the world which is easy to believe, but the museum staff told us something about medieval warfare that shook our faith in history enough to require secondary corroboration...which we have heretofore been too busy or lazy to find.
They said that medieval (approximately the years 400-1400) knights did not in fact wear armor, but instead wore suits of chainmail since it was both light and strong enough to stop a sword from severing skin and bone. The blow would break an arm, but that's it (and I'm sure that was enough for the wearer, but not as bad as the alternative). The staff said that it wasn't until guns were used in battle that suits of armor were necessary since a bullet would bring the chain mail with it through the skin/bone causing the wearer extreme discomfort. You wouldn't think a factoid like this would be enough to blow our minds so maybe it's just fatigue, but we just can't replace the image of armor-wearing medieval knights with those of knights wearing comfortable, yet flexible chainmail. It's just not right.
If you need to clear your head after you visit the armory, go to the tourist office next door. It carries a pamphlet announcing the Arnold Schwartzenegger Museum (Arnold is apparently from Graz). We didn't have (ahem) time to visit, but if you're missing Hollywood or pop culture, the AS museum might be just the ticket. Even if it's not your speed, the pamphlet makes for a good stocking stuffer which we unfortunately won't have--to my husband's chagrin--because we walked out of the tourist bureau without it (I thought my husband was joking when he handed the pamphlet to me).The Armory:
The Graz Armory Museum is located in the historic center of the town next door to the Tourist Information Office. There are multiple floors filled with rows and rows of chest plates, spears, daggers, cannons, helmets, guns, powder horns, etc--everything you'd need to impress your neighbors in 1645. In fact, there are so many copies of so many weapons and armor that it looks very much like someone locked the door in 1645, then reopened it in 2012. It claims to be the largest historical armory in the world which is easy to believe, but the museum staff told us something about medieval warfare that shook our faith in history enough to require secondary corroboration...which we have heretofore been too busy or lazy to find.
They said that medieval (approximately the years 400-1400) knights did not in fact wear armor, but instead wore suits of chainmail since it was both light and strong enough to stop a sword from severing skin and bone. The blow would break an arm, but that's it (and I'm sure that was enough for the wearer, but not as bad as the alternative). The staff said that it wasn't until guns were used in battle that suits of armor were necessary since a bullet would bring the chain mail with it through the skin/bone causing the wearer extreme discomfort. You wouldn't think a factoid like this would be enough to blow our minds so maybe it's just fatigue, but we just can't replace the image of armor-wearing medieval knights with those of knights wearing comfortable, yet flexible chainmail. It's just not right.
Culture Shock:
I'm not going to beat around the bush here because you know what's coming:
Nudity:
You may be thinking I'm either a prude or I hadn't heard that many European sunbathers don't like tan lines, but I promise that neither is true. We warned the kids before we left the US that they might see women on the beach tanning without their bikini tops or children swimming without swimsuits altogether and to the kids' credit, they barely pointed and laughed when they saw a naked five-year-old dancing around the pool in Feldkirch. What we didn't expect, however, was the vastness of the nudity, or that many public pools would be separated into a completely nude side and a barely clothed side.
In Graz' campground pool, there are women of all ages, shapes, and sizes sunbathing with no tops on while their naked children swim or run around the side of the pool. This is the clothed side. I didn't go to the completely nude side (I swear), but you'll want to remember the acronym "FKK" because that's German for "no tan lines anywhere" and you'll want to take your American kids to the bathroom farthest from that sign because they just aren't old enough to handle washing their hands next to five completely nude adults. In fact, I'm not old enough to handle this. Don't get me wrong, I see the beauty in forgetting about original sin, I'm just not that forgetful yet. If you ever get dementia, though, you might want to take a trip to Graz. (I'm resisting the urge to say, "Don't forget.")
You may think that a pool like this in German-speaking Europe isn't the norm, but I have it on good authority that it is. You may also be wondering why people of German/Austrian descent are so conservative in the US when the genuine article is so liberal and I can't say for sure, but I was pondering this very question while eating schnitzel near some naked people (not too near) and it occurred to me that nudity might in fact be the reason our ancestors left Europe in the first place and they were just being coy when they referenced a lack of work, illness, and plentiful war. In fact, you can just hear Great-Grandpa saying, "I swear to God I'll go to America if I see one more naked... Well, there it is."
Danger:
My husband says there are 1,000 more non-violent ways to die in Europe, and this is true. I'll make a list in another blog which I'll devote entirely to culture shock, but the two we found in Graz were the following:
1) Cafe seating is sometimes only inches from oncoming traffic. In our case, we ate in the town square near the tourist bureau where the traffic was a trolley passing close enough to high-five someone on a passing train. Although the trolley was unlikely to derail and hit us, a child could easily dart out from the cafe seating area before or during the passing of the train, and I don't want to think about the end of that sentence.
2) We stayed in a very nice campground in Graz with a 7.5 foot deep pool (referenced in nudity above) that was large enough to qualify as a small lake. In fact, it was big enough that the kids and I needed to stop half-way across in order to catch our breath and make sure we had enough steam to make it to the other side. I'm trying to think of a basis for comparison here and the Tidal Basin in DC comes to mind, but that's probably too big. Anyway, trust me when I say that the pool is massive.
Now, campground pools in Europe seem to act as community pools and there were dozens of kids between the ages 10 and 12 admitted through the community side gates with only their best friend as their chaperone. This wouldn't seem like a big problem except that the lifeguards at pools here are either barely interested; completely absent; or as incognito as a US Marshall on a trans-Atlantic flight.
So, the kids are jumping into the water with their buddies, daring each other to swim across the lake (I mean, pool), and there is only the good will of the common man keeping them alive if they get a cramp half-way across the pool because the lifeguard is either in a submarine (one assumes), or he's chatting up one of the women behind the FKK sign (another assumption since I still maintain that I didn't go over there).
Soft Talkers:
I think I've mentioned in previous posts that we are unfortunately the typical American family of loud talkers/laughers, but I'm happy to say we've made great strides in toning it down since we arrived in Europe a little over a month ago. Unfortunately, there is no way to "out whisper" the Europeans. They're so good at it, in fact, that it sounds like they're really talking, but you know they're whispering because you can't hear what they're saying. This isn't a language barrier thing, this is a soft talking thing. In Hall In Tirol, we arrived in a restaurant one morning thinking we were the only ones there, only to see four other tables filled with people eating and talking once we sat down. It's spooky, really.
In Graz, the people soft talk like the rest of Europe. In fact, I tried to overhear a man at a table not three feet away from my own after I was sure I heard him say "American", but I couldn't. Strangely enough, as soft as they talk, they have no problem dropping at least 5 glass bottles into the recycling bin at 0630 or bouncing a soccer ball off your tent at 0700. Now, how does it make sense that they're polite enough to speak quietly, but rude enough to wake you up with soccer balls and breaking glass bottles? Either the Europeans don't get irony, or they're getting even with us--and I don't know if "us" would be my family or Americans. I'll choose the latter for this post though since I may need to call home for backup if another ball hits my tent before 9:00 AM.
Below are pictures from the Graz Armory which I finally downloaded from our camera.
Author of: Letters to Salthill
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